Feeling unworthy of Christ has always been an obstacle of mine. The thought that the Lord of all Creation gave up his son for me nearly brings tears to my eyes every time. Why me? I’m not that great. I can be lazy, I can think ugly thoughts and I don’t put forth enough effort for You to want me. I’ve always felt like there has got to be something more that I can do to earn Jesus’ love.

These can be very hard thoughts to deal with, and I do from time to time. These thoughts also put you in a very negative place. Feeling unworthy, undeserving, can change your mindset faster than you realize and the next thing you know, you’re heading down a dark, lonely road. A simple word pops into my mind every time I start in this direction. Grace.

Grace is an extraordinarily beautiful thing. By the grace of God, I was chosen. All of me was chosen; the good, bad and ugly. He loves me and wants to be near me despite all of my flaws; even because of my flaws. Every part of me is precious in his eyes. The simple fact that Jesus wants a relationship with me, that he seeks me out leaves me feeling so unbelievably special.

Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.  – Isaiah 43:4

Marriage has helped me to see my worthiness. Learning how to sacrifice for Justin because I choose to has given me a small insight into God’s grace and its really beautiful. Watching Justin choose to make my morning coffee or do something special for me represents Christ’s love for us and all that goes into that; the good, bad and ugly.